anxiety

I’ll cry if I want to

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So, little Awena turned one at the weekend. The sun shone, which sandwiched between two horrendously wet days, was a great blessing. I woke up at 03.50 realising at that time last year I’d had my first skin to skin and Awena had by, now, 20 minutes after being born, been popped in an incubator.  […]

basic need

Rainbows and butterflies

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One thing I hold lockdown completely responsible for is robbing me of my creative streak.  I haven’t written a blog consistently for months, not due to the lack of something to say, but due to the fact that I have just found it so difficult to motivate myself to be expressive.  Emotions are funny things […]

Activity

Wake up and pay attention

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I learnt a valuable lesson on Saturday.  One of the challenges I have found in becoming a mum of two is making sure my attention appears fairly distributed.  Obviously, as a six-month-old, Awena requires more of my immediate attention; she needs to be fed, dressed, have her happy changed, be carried to get from A […]

anxiety

Peace, be still

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Time is definitely a healer, right? This may be so but it’s definitely not a remover. Yesterday was national premature baby day. Be it randomly or coincidentally, whilst watching Bake Off #GBBO this incredibly emotive Pampers advert popped up. It took me right back. I haven’t been able to shift the feeling it evoked. All […]

2020

Bridge over troubled water

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Can anyone else believe we are in November already and can count on one hand the number of people who have been to your house in the last 8 months?  It’s been quite a year and one in which we really need to pull together…but, oh, wait, that is one of the things that has […]

anxiety

Candle in the wind

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I’m a bit unsure as to how to introduce today’s blog.  I think all I can do is allow the words below to do the work.  As many of you are probably aware last week was a remembrance week for all those who have lost a baby at whatever stage of pregnancy or life.  I […]

attention

The sweetest gift

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Why is mum guilt such a real and often daily thing?  Why is it that when they’re tucked up in bed you look at them and think; “why can’t I feel these in-love and mushy feelings towards them when they’re up and about, climbing the walls and generally driving me around the bend?”  I definitely […]

bonding

Endless love

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Love. What a tiny looking word with such a weighted and complicated meaning. Prior to having kids or even getting married, I don’t think I really understood the depth needed to love. I hadn’t grasped the multi-faceted three-dimensional nature of love. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a very loving family but see […]

anxiety

To boob or not to boob

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Too much, too little, on-demand, engorged, painful, sore nipples, forever hungry, mastitis, blocked ducts, embarrassing leakage, breast pads, exhausting, emotional, frantic feeds, expressing, pumping and dumping, scratched necks and chests, pulled hair…any of this sound familiar? Why would anyone want to breastfeed?  This week is world breastfeeding week and I think we should either pat […]

adventure

You just gotta ride it

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Neonates.  What an all-encompassing, all-consuming, emotionally exhausting experience.  I’m finding it hard to find the words to say to describe the 19 days Awena spent in the neonatal unit.  I think I have to start by thanking the amazing staff who made the whole experience so much more manageable.  Without their reassurance, confidence and general chats I am convinced […]