Candle in the wind

I’m a bit unsure as to how to introduce today’s blog.  I think all I can do is allow the words below to do the work.  As many of you are probably aware last week was a remembrance week for all those who have lost a baby at whatever stage of pregnancy or life.  I have had the amazing privilege of interviewing a dear friend and hearing how she has managed the last 11 years after having lost her darling newborn.  I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this must have been and my heart goes out to this wonderfully brave woman and all those who resonate with her.

“Honestly I felt like my entire world had ended at the time…my amazing family and friends really got me through the first few months…I just knew my little girl would want me to be strong and positive so that really helped me through the dark moments wanting to make her proud of me.

Managing now is a little different…milestones like birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and when friends or family have a new baby sometimes affects me, but I try to remain positive and usually these moments pass after a day or two.

The hardest part of losing her was having the most empty hole in my life.  I had prepared for her for so long and in one moment she was taken away from me forever…I felt empty for a long time but I was, and still am, determined that everything I do will make her proud.

I have chosen to not have any children but I know others that have been through similar experiences and have gone on to have healthy pregnancy’s and children so there is hope after the heartache.

The advice that I would give is that time is a healer.  Talk to others that have/are going through the same/similar experience to you…don’t bottle things up or push people away.”

My prayer for those of you who identify is that you would know some comfort and hope.  You mummies are incredibly brave.  Words can not do this justice, so there I shall stop. 


4 thoughts on “Candle in the wind

  1. Thank you for writing this post. For me, community has been instrumental in my healing and processing grief over losing our daughter Isabela in May. I just started attending support groups because I did not know anybody in real life who had lost their baby lost like we had, and I can’t even tell you how much relief I felt after. It was refreshing to be able to just vent or cry or talk about our children without people feeling uncomfortable.

  2. As you say – very brave of your friend to share. Betsy De Thierry, who leads Freedom Church in Bath with her husband Andy, helped others manage the grief as she had. Like the remembrance week, she organised a remembrance space to give those who had lost a child somewhere to grieve without having to explain. Betsy said that the space had to be big because this allowed space for big grief. She told me of one couple who went at the insistence of the wife. They had lost their child 16 years before, and her husband had bottled his grief and couldn’t speak of it. After being in this large place of remembrance for only a short while he suddenly found release and let out his suppressed pain, sobbing uncontrollably until his grief subsided. I believe he found he was able to talk about their child and comfort his wife and himself more freely after that release.

    1. Like both of these have realised it’s so important not to bottle things up. We need community.

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